LATEST BOOKS

YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is A laugh-out-loud story about fighting for your right to steal the show. Out on March 3rd, available to pre-order now.

Blog


ARCHIVE: 

My Kid Sees Dead People (Or Does He?)

Tuesday 24th May 2022

Stay tuned to find out.

 

Look, I get it. You’re a busy, important person –  I don’t want to waste your time. I shall present the evidence and you can decide for yourself.

 

It’s all going to be rigorous and scientific. 

 

(Sidenote: My son was born under a full moon).

 

OK it’s going to be scientific from now on. 

 

(I’m just setting the scene – second son of a second son, born on a full moon, very cinematic/spooky). Anyway.

 

Firstly, my 4yo son SAYS he has seen ghosts. 

 

OK. Scientific, starting now:

 

We live in the kind of place you might expect to see a ghost. This is where they’d be if they were going to be anywhere. Parts of this house date back to 1702. There’s a fetching ye olde fireplace; beams in the ceilings; and one original Queen Anne window.

 

The bedroom my son sleeps in has a normal, working doorway. But it also has an additional, fake one, that got filled in at some point in the last 320 years. There is a door shape complete with a door frame, that used to be a door, but is no longer a door.

 

My son says he sees people using this door as if it is still a door. He says sometimes they talk to him. And sometimes they scare him and he comes running into our room. He doesn’t like being left alone in his room to play, and will often follow me out and back again, even if I’m just getting something and am gone two seconds. (Coincidence?)

 

Also, sometimes at night we can hear a child crying, but when we get up to check our children, they are both asleep and not crying. (Tired parents on high alert for children’s needs, or something more?)

 

Exhibit B: My son claims to remember his past lives. Once we were at (another) old house and my son claimed he had once lived there with his ‘blue father’ and two brothers. For a laugh we googled it and the house was built by a man with three sons – one of which had the SAME name as my son. (The other two sons names were not ‘Sweetcorn’ and ‘chicken’ as my son had claimed however – but could they be legitimate nicknames?)

 

So – tall tales from an imaginative pre-schooler, or factual remembrance of reincarnation?

 

The most recent (possibly supernatural) event happened in Pizza Express. (Wait, let me finish).

 

We were in there having a family meal, trying to be the kind of classy family that doesn’t let their kids climb under the table, with limited to moderate success.

 

My son has been known to shout at strangers. Sometimes, on a walk through the countryside, he might spot a fellow traveller and yell, ‘hello old lady!’ (Because he talks how casting directors think). But he doesn’t normally shout at people in restaurants. 

 

A young couple got seated at the table next to ours. The woman looked about 8 months pregnant. My son suddenly yelled at her, ‘Why aren’t you two married?!’

 

After we apologised and told him to stop yelling at strangers in restaurants, I noticed that the woman wasn’t wearing a wedding or engagement ring, or any rings. I don’t think my 4yo knows to look for wedding rings to check for who is married.

 

The way I see it, the only possible explanations include:

1)    My son is telepathic, and the woman was thinking she’d like to be married.

2)    An angry ghost who believes very strongly in marriage, was standing there, invisible to us, but present and audible to my son. Perhaps this ghost was ranting, on and on, and in the end my son couldn’t handle it, he just wanted the anger to stop, so in an attempt to make that happen and acquire an explanation, he blurted out crossly, ‘Why aren’t you two married?!’

3)    My son shouted a random thing for no reason. But still. Come on. Really?

 

Look. I know everyone’s mental health has suffered in the pandemic. I’m not saying my 4yo can definitely commune with spirits. I’m just saying we can’t rule it out.

 

Now you have the facts, you can decide for yourself. A bunch of coincidences… Or something more? (der der der, etc).

 

 

 

 

Fixed link ]

Bookmark and Share
My Best Friend and Other Enemies Amazon.co.uk Waterstones Foyles Nosy Crow

Latest Tweets

  • Posted @withregram • @drunkwomensolvingcrime Happy Pride to all our wonderful LGBTQI+ listeners! #pride… link 3 hours ago
  • @obsydyan 😁 1 day ago
  • @ComedyClub4Kids 😁 only certain people can tell certain jokes 1 day ago
  • My 7yo told me this joke: Why do squirrels swim on their backs? To keep their nuts dry. 1 day ago
  • ❤️ link 2 days ago

View on Twitter